Photo: NL, 30.VI.2009*Virgil, Aeneid
I thought of writing in Italian at first, but here I am writing in English.
It has been ages I haven't written, maybe this is not the best moment to do it, but as it has always been, writing helps me through. Giving me the opportunity to have a different point of view of what is going on in my life.
I'm working a lot, and these past two weeks I haven't done all I should have done concerning my university tasks. But I knew it beforehand. I should not complain, but again, as the human being I'm I find myself complaining of how tired I'm. The usual one, someone would say. And that someone wouldn't be wrong. But you know how I'm, I can't help.
I'm nervous. I haven't received yet my invitation letter to go to Kazakhstan, which was supposed to come in June. Today I woke up, July 1st. Still nothing. It would be good sometimes to get a bit organized and know what it's gonna happen in a couple of months. But again. I can't help.
I'm at the stage where I'm so uncertain about many things.
Being uncertain leads me to be worried and I do not really like the feeling.
I feel everything and nothing at the same time. I know what I'd like to have but at the same time it seems it's not possible to wish for it.
Powerless. Life always surprises me. Once I think things are going the right way, everything tears apart. As it has always happened. I'm tired. That is the right adjective. I'm tired to find so many passerbyes and no fellow traveller, to quote a good friend of mine. I'm not looking for perfection. I was told I'm too perfect. I do not believe that. Maybe it's not time. Maybe I should follow my way and do it my way a bit still. Sometimes I wish I never left. I never decided to have the kind of life I have. To have a normal job, in a normal town. Maybe having a good relationship since teen-age. Marry and having a couple of kids. Again, different choices different consequences. Probably I would be complaining about that as well. Because I'm terrible sometimes, and you, reading me, you know it well... I'm never ever fulfilled. Maybe I'm still happily and terribly young, yes, that's why.
I'll go to sleep a bit more relaxed. That's a good one. I'm still so young.
2 comments:
You're doing good, Eli!
Una volta che hai scoperto il tuo potenziale non puoi vivere chiedendo a te stessa solo la metà di quello che sapresti fare, e so che tu lo sai. A un processo di evoluzione lungo e complesso corrisponde una vita piena in mille sfaccettature, di cui un compagno di viaggio è solo una parte, benchè importante... ma non determinante: qualcuno che sta in piedi di fianco a te, ma non ti sorregge. tu sei una ragazza forte proprio perchè sai stare in piedi da sola. e nel frattempo fai anche un sacco di cose!!!! ;-)
un abbraccio, cheer up!
sara
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